How many times have I lead worship for a service or study? Countless!! It's been 25 years since I picked up the guitar and began my ministry. And so many times I have missed real worship. So many times it has been about the music and quality of the music rather than simply worshiping my Savior. We have all heard Matt Redman's famous "Heart Of Worship" and I have sung that song so many times, (it happens to be the first song I ever learned to play on the guitar), and yet, even while leading with that song my heart sometimes is the furthest thing from worship. And I kick myself every time it happens and wonder why and how it happened again.
Many years ago I was at a youth leader's retreat in the mountains with my church. I had been leading the worship for the retreat the whole weekend and there was one night that our pastor asked me not to play but rather sit with everyone else and worship to a cd. Such a foreign thing to me but intriguing at the same time. As the music played and the words were sung, I found myself in real worship, before a real God. In the quietest of songs is where I found myself completely vulnerable before the Lord. Where nothing else on earth mattered but saying such meaningful, heartfelt words to my Jesus. Somehow and somewhere along the way I had lost sight on what worship is all about. No guitar, not up front, simply before the Lord. Such a changing point for me in my walk and my ministry! That same night I wrote the words to my song “In The Quiet”…
“Here I am, on my knees, I've been here before, change, change all of me. I cry out to You, I cry out to You Lord. Make me new, revive my soul. I listen for You, I listen for Your voice, The beautiful sound, my love, my choice. You are holy, Your presence is overwhelming, I'm lost for words, nothing to say so I will sit in the quiet and wait. Here I am, on my knees, Here I am, all of me”.
Such a simple song but so much meaning to me. I still have trouble at times with this issue of not being completely focused but He is faithful and gives the strength that I need. Satan would love nothing more than to destroy the worship and praise of Almighty God in any way he can. Whether that be in relationships, jealousy, envy, unforgiveness, or just straight up sin in our lives, he will and does try to destroy it. But He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world. He alone gives us the strength and He alone is gracious, merciful, faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness!! Be real before the Lord and be quiet before the Lord. For it is there that you will find liberty, peace, joy, purpose, love, acceptance, and real, authentic worship.